Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
