She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
