Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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