Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
