in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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