actually, I'm a sock model
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
