She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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