i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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