Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
