Do you still have your period?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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