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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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