I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
