Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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