We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
