It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
