need another drink. this is the easiest way
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
