Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
