We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
