I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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