I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
