She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
