Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
