True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
