They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
