Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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