Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
