Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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