did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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