So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
