I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
