Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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