New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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