listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
