I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
