But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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