Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
