do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
