I could make wine with my vomit
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
