I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Duck Duck Cougar?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
