How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
