My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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