Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
