i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
