I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
