OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So much rum. So many feels.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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