its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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