I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
