I just saw a hot homeless man
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
