whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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