Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
