I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
